We Continue To Wish For It

we continue to wish for it
(poem / 2008)


You will save me from my lonely jealousy!

and then you'll start the sabotage.
You'll be viciously unpredictable.
We'll cry for each other, she and I, and you'll love it.
You'll bind us! and break us! and slice us! and shake us!
    and we will write songs about it
    and smile knowingly, like idiots.
And you'll arrange for me to forget to call - a lot - (you're a pretty stressful emotion)
    and it'll make her cry
Once you've pushed those words past my teeth
    (I'LL LOVE YOU UNTIL THE END OF TIME, BABY!)
        (And I'll never lie.)
            (or slip)

then you'll divide them and conquer me (you conquer all) (promises break easier alone)
and then, like a father teaching his child to swim in the town pool,
    you'll have already let go
        and left
            and now,
                in our fused two-ness,
                    i am so incredibly inextricably

                                                alone

                                                Save me again, love!

Digitalpoetry

digitalpoetry
(poem / 2008)

i Appear black pixels
trapped cognition
crazed perfection
pretty words

i Become ever slowly
difficult metaphor
consonant dissonance
perfect worlds

i Create far away
overreaching thoughts
neverceasing wants
poignant waste

i unfortunately am without
purpose so
thus with
a click

i Die

If I Should Cry

if i should cry
(poem / 2008)

If they let me come visit you there, I will, but if they don't
I guess I'll just have to keep on writing these letters. Blame
should  fall  only upon those who are wrong,  unlike  yourself.
Cry  if you need to, sister, but remember about the past: It's
before. Some people will carry it with them forever,  but  not
I  and  not you. Swim and let the memories drift off  in  your
wake  because  they don't matter unless you're  finding  fault.

I                                                          you
love                                                   forever.

Failed Fifteen

failed fifteen
(poem / 2008)

Fifteen years and habits form
Lightning pops and songs can break
I am the one who caused this storm
Fifteen more years and hearts still ache

To be at fault is to give in
or so life's competitions teach
To win! to fight! to go down struggling
that's all my mind can seem to reach

That word called "sorry" never matters
(at least not following "goodbye")
I'm sick of following these patterns
It's too clichéd to turn back time

What happens when a winner loses?
The game just never goes away
For what my confidence refuses
I can't deny, I'm scared to pray

Writer's Aftermath

writer's aftermath
(poem / 2007)

When I got back from my room
((which had been quietly and unstoppably reigning over me
like a lover - the way i loved a girl once -
seductively letting me leave and expecting me back)
I found the rest of the world was all too real...
it hadn't really missed me too much; anyway,
hundreds of candy wrappers sit mob-style on a side table
there's Christmas lights strewn all over the floor
clothes claim areas of the floor and inch toward each other like floodwaters rising over islands
the keyboard, now superseded, sits in a reveredly empty section
of the gray carpet (a novel's been through it so it earned some prestige)
the eight-inch cable-ready tv, the '90s stereo relic, the blankets, cables, telephones, cds, books, books upon books, notebooks, dr. pepper cans, stuffed animals i pretend i don't still have, chairs, bed, the duct tape book, pen, ipod, skin, muscle, bone.
These things clamor to be paid attention,
(they're lonelier than i am) and they abound like tides rising and failing
will i ever leave for good?),
I sighed.

My Refrain

My Refrain (or Symphonies in Minor Keys)
(poem / 2007)

My refrain, you came to be
a chorus free of sympathy,
you proved me wrong and sang along
with songs that laughed at poor old me.
Ne'er forgetting pride and pain
you took my word with true disdain.
But disbelief was not relief,
nor kissing (badly) in the rain.
And then there came along what seemed
to be the grand escape you'd dreamed
In love with two and hating one,
your mind and judgment double-teamed
and overtook your bleeding soul.
You knew there was some gaping hole,
my logic's flawed, there's a reason somewhere
those sleepless bedtimes took their toll.
My verses started losing rhyme
Your patience ticked right out of time
There came a spell where sure as hell
love wasn't worth a damn or dime.
And as the rhythm slipped next from
our song like tongue-tossed bubble gum,
the words meant less, the tone digressed,
the angels kindly ceased to hum.
Stuck now in weird cacophony,
I tried for what was left of me
but having loved you in the wrong,
I'd nothing left to make you see.
You saw through me and I through you,
our secrets hiding what was true
Love and words were not enough
to turn a midnight sky to blue.
And therefore in new clarity
you thrust yourself away from me.
And though the rain drowned my refrain
I won't forget the melody.

Good People

good people
(poem / 2007)


don't ever wait around for good people to show up
         because good people have good lives
                 and they're out living them
                        yeah, they'll help
                              but you
                                have
                                  to
                                 ask
                               or they
                             will never
                          know that you
                      are in pain because
                    in a shocking world the
                happiest people are the blind
              so don't expect them to see you
          the hourglass will tick tick tick tick tick
                                                   and
                                                        perhaps
                                                                    leak