Reflections

reflections
(poem / 2006)

What is the price of love?
Why can I feel so strong one day
and then see your face in a crowd
and be so helpless?
Was it worth a year of bliss
for a lifetime of reminders that it’s gone?
I love her, but it’s just not the same
as knowing that you loved me back
Without having to hear you say it
I guess she doesn’t know what love is
the way we knew, like knowing how to breathe
Sometimes I think about calling you
and how maybe if things were different
You’d be sitting here with me now
We’re gonna live our lives apart, I know
But I still catch myself staring into streetlights
looking for the fire in your eyes
I have to call you by your name now
But I still want to say Baby it’s okay
because to me we didn’t break up
To me you passed away,
ascended out of my life.
You were too good for me last time we spoke
I’m better now, but I’ll never forget
The silence in your throat when I told you who the real me was
I heard you choke on your broken idea of love
Even though you pretended to cough, I know you were just lost for words
And I’m sorry now.
I hope you find the one you’re meant for
And I’ll never forget you, until we meet again in heaven
But for your love, first love, I’ll never be the same
I guess that’s the risk we take
She doesn’t know what love is;
Love is change.